By Witold Gombrowicz

A balloonist reveals himself set upon by way of erotic lepers…a passenger on a boat notices a human eye at the deck…a staff of noblemen get pleasure from a vegetarian dish made of human flesh…a virginal younger lady gnaws uncooked meat from a bone…a infamous ruffian is terrorized via a rat. Welcome to the weird universe of Witold Gombrowicz, whose mythical brief tale assortment is gifted right here for the 1st time in English. those stories, hilarious, irritating, and brilliantly written, are completely detailed in international literature. After studying them, you’ll by no means be an identical.

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Hee hee, Mr. Zantman most likely imagines a captain in a braided cap and spotless pressed white pantaloons, like one sees on photograph postcards. imagine up whatever sturdy, Mr. Smith. ” He mirrored for a second, taking a couple of puffs at his pipe. “I may perhaps provide orders, eh? If I organize them to leap, they’ll jump,” he stated. “Tomorrow and the day after. ” “We already did that,” murmured Smith. “I’ll supply orders—eh, Mr. Smith? I’ll get them organized to chop whatever off—to bring to a halt an ear ... ” “Perhaps,” stated Smith, “but it’s a devilish tough operation ... that's ... um ... in a while. It’s problematical. ” “Then I’ll supply orders, eh? i will order something! through 300 devils—I’m the captain! these devils will suppose it . . . name one of many sailors right here, Mr. Smith. ” “The sailors all think it already,” acknowledged Smith after a second, in no hurry—he spat his gum onto the palm of his hand, checked out it heavily and slipped it again into his mouth. “Choose the one that feels it the least,” Captain Clarke responded, growing to be impatient. “Quick—I are looking to convey Mr. Zantman. imagine anything up, Mr. Smith. You’re really unimaginative. take into accout Baffin Island and the seal. ” “I’m out of ideas,” acknowledged Smith, taking a look dully with the glazed scholars of a gin-lover. “Everything’s been used. They’re all used up, crumpled, coated in sh ... that's, I suggest the ... ” “You’re a idiot, Smith,” stated the captain, bridling. “Quickly—quickly—I desire somebody to consider me. occasionally i've got doubts. occasionally I’m beset by way of doubts. ” At this second I made the error of moving—but my heel had all started to itch, and with me it really is innate heel continually itches whilst it shouldn’t. “Maybe Mr. Zantman will be used,” murmured Smith, eyeing me with undisguised malice. “You be aware of, that’s no longer a foul idea,” exclaimed the captain. “We’ll use Mr. Zantman. He’s nonetheless clean. He hasn’t felt me yet—he’ll be the simplest one to believe me on his personal epidermis ... That’s right—that’ll be the best. ” “If these are your orders, captain,” stated Smith, and he took my hand warmly and squeezed it as though in a couple of pincers (I as soon as had my hand shaken in exactly this manner by means of a definite sergeant on land—first warmly, then very strongly)—“in that case we’ll knock jointly an important fishing pole, we’ll stick Mr. Zantman on a hook and with this bait we’ll seize a very good deep-water fish. The fish will swallow Mr. Zantman, and we’ll slit open its abdominal and pull him out nonetheless alive, like Jonah. It’ll be a capital lark. You take into account, captain, we bought as much as worse methods within the Caribbean Bay—now that used to be the true thing—ho, ho . . . ” “You’re a idiot, Mr. Smith,” repeated the captain. “That’s all hogwash. what is going to he think during this demeanour? He won’t consider a specific thing. in addition to, he’s a passenger ... hmm ... yet no violence, Smith, no violence. You’re a fool,” he roared; “be silent now, sir! I’ve had it as much as the following along with your pranks and your jokes; to be sincere, they make me puke! They don’t make an oz of feel. i want him to suppose, to suppose Captain Clarke, to believe and not using a figleaf or the other extras, because the Lord God created him. I spit on pressed white pants and a captain’s braided cap!

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