I'm Hosting as Fast as I Can!: Zen and the Art of Staying Sane in Hollywood

By Tom Bergeron

For readers of John O’Hurley’s It’s ok to omit the mattress at the First Jump and Chelsea Handler’s Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea, daylight hours Emmy-winner Tom Bergeron—host of ABC’s Dancing with the Stars and America’s Funniest domestic Videos—offers a sequence of funny and inspirational tales on surviving Hollywood, together with behind-the-camera tales with A-list celebrities.

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There has been no method for Michael to grasp it, and his full-court press was once flattering, yet attempting to woo me with a country-club club was once like attempting to woo the Dalai Lama with a juicy steak. I don’t golfing, and albeit, I’m an excessive amount of of a loner to need to pay dues to socialise. I held fi rm. day after today Babette referred to as. “You win. They’ve agreed to fly you in for tapings. You don’t need to stream. ” 124 | Tom Bergeron With the most sticking aspect resolved, the remainder of the negotiations proceeded easily. And so I ready for a bicoastal life that keeps to this present day. We’d stay in Connecticut and I’d paintings in California. We wouldn’t need to movement. That grew to become out to be a little ironic simply because, a couple of days sooner than the first taping of Hollywood Squares, I couldn’t stream. 25 T H E A DV E N T U R E S O F C A P T A I N S PA S M M Y good friend CARL REINER (WHOM I MET while HE was once A visitor on individuals are speaking) has an outstanding line that Steve Martin utilized in his film L. A. tale. I accept as true with it. “I might by no means be a girl. I’d remain at domestic all day fiddling with my breasts. ” good, probably now not all day. yet I’ve acquired one more reason i may by no means be a lady. exertions discomfort. Epidural or no epidural, by the point that water breaks you’re a heap of damage. And by way of ache, I’m pathetic. It was once a stunning early night in the summertime of 1998. i used to be at a local playground with my daughters, who have been now seven and 9 years outdated. We have been having a few daddy-daughter caliber time. Lois used to be again domestic traveling with our next-door pals. the women have been whizzing via me as I spun them at the small merry-goround. As I did, one other little lady walked towards it with a hopeful glance. “Would you're keen on to get on, too? ” I requested. She nodded. Here’s the place good judgment is an excellent factor. Had I utilized a few, i might have waited for the merry-go-round to slow down after which helped her onto it. in its place, in direct violation of Newton’s 3rd 126 | Tom Bergeron legislation of movement (For each motion there's an equivalent and contrary reaction), I reached out and tried to forestall it chilly. all the strength of the nolonger-spinning merry-go-round transferred itself unexpectedly into my returned. because it did, anything down there snapped like a foul guitar string. My knees buckled. Daddy-daughter caliber time had officially ended. relocating gingerly, I cajoled the ladies to the automobile and punctiliously drove again domestic. as soon as there, whereas I utilized ice to my back, Lois, our acquaintances, and that i all had an excellent chortle at my price. How dumb used to be that, eh? It seemed i'd continue to exist. i used to be sore and felt like an fool, yet i used to be relocating. That evening, as I commit it to memory, I slept fine. I’m a bit obscure due to the seared nova burst of reminiscence that hit as I awakened. Lois had allow me sleep in and had taken the ladies off to college. I aroused from sleep to a brilliant and gorgeous morning. I shifted slightly below the covers, and as I did, to not overstate it or something, my returned was once gutted by means of Satan’s flaming sword. It used to be my first-ever significant again spasm. i think my particular quote used to be “FFFFUUUCCKKK!!!!!!

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