By Tom Bergeron
For readers of John O’Hurley’s It’s ok to omit the mattress at the First Jump and Chelsea Handler’s Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea, daylight hours Emmy-winner Tom Bergeron—host of ABC’s Dancing with the Stars and America’s Funniest domestic Videos—offers a sequence of funny and inspirational tales on surviving Hollywood, together with behind-the-camera tales with A-list celebrities.
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Additional resources for I'm Hosting as Fast as I Can!: Zen and the Art of Staying Sane in Hollywood
There has been no method for Michael to grasp it, and his full-court press was once ﬂattering, yet attempting to woo me with a country-club club was once like attempting to woo the Dalai Lama with a juicy steak. I don’t golfing, and albeit, I’m an excessive amount of of a loner to need to pay dues to socialise. I held ﬁ rm. day after today Babette referred to as. “You win. They’ve agreed to ﬂy you in for tapings. You don’t need to stream. ” 124 | Tom Bergeron With the most sticking aspect resolved, the remainder of the negotiations proceeded easily. And so I ready for a bicoastal life that keeps to this present day. We’d stay in Connecticut and I’d paintings in California. We wouldn’t need to movement. That grew to become out to be a little ironic simply because, a couple of days sooner than the ﬁrst taping of Hollywood Squares, I couldn’t stream. 25 T H E A DV E N T U R E S O F C A P T A I N S PA S M M Y good friend CARL REINER (WHOM I MET while HE was once A visitor on individuals are speaking) has an outstanding line that Steve Martin utilized in his ﬁlm L. A. tale. I accept as true with it. “I might by no means be a girl. I’d remain at domestic all day fiddling with my breasts. ” good, probably now not all day. yet I’ve acquired one more reason i may by no means be a lady. exertions discomfort. Epidural or no epidural, by the point that water breaks you’re a heap of damage. And by way of ache, I’m pathetic. It was once a stunning early night in the summertime of 1998. i used to be at a local playground with my daughters, who have been now seven and 9 years outdated. We have been having a few daddy-daughter caliber time. Lois used to be again domestic traveling with our next-door pals. the women have been whizzing via me as I spun them at the small merry-goround. As I did, one other little lady walked towards it with a hopeful glance. “Would you're keen on to get on, too? ” I requested. She nodded. Here’s the place good judgment is an excellent factor. Had I utilized a few, i might have waited for the merry-go-round to slow down after which helped her onto it. in its place, in direct violation of Newton’s 3rd 126 | Tom Bergeron legislation of movement (For each motion there's an equivalent and contrary reaction), I reached out and tried to forestall it chilly. all the strength of the nolonger-spinning merry-go-round transferred itself unexpectedly into my returned. because it did, anything down there snapped like a foul guitar string. My knees buckled. Daddy-daughter caliber time had ofﬁcially ended. relocating gingerly, I cajoled the ladies to the automobile and punctiliously drove again domestic. as soon as there, whereas I utilized ice to my back, Lois, our acquaintances, and that i all had an excellent chortle at my price. How dumb used to be that, eh? It seemed i'd continue to exist. i used to be sore and felt like an fool, yet i used to be relocating. That evening, as I commit it to memory, I slept ﬁne. I’m a bit obscure due to the seared nova burst of reminiscence that hit as I awakened. Lois had allow me sleep in and had taken the ladies off to college. I aroused from sleep to a brilliant and gorgeous morning. I shifted slightly below the covers, and as I did, to not overstate it or something, my returned was once gutted by means of Satan’s ﬂaming sword. It used to be my ﬁrst-ever significant again spasm. i think my particular quote used to be “FFFFUUUCCKKK!!!!!!