By Tom Stoppard
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Extra info for The Real Inspector Hound and Other Plays
I doubt he’d ever attempted to play one; actually for those who question me the guy should have been a few form of lunatic. HARRIS: As my mom says, the stopover at used to be a sadness. THELMA: i need to say i must agree. I don’t prefer to communicate slightingly of one other artiste, however it simply wasn’t life-like—I’m now not announcing it wasn’t good—well painted—but no longer from existence, you recognize? FOOT: That has no referring to the case. Did you spot anyone you knew on the exhibition? mom: I observed Sir Adrian Boult. FOOT: could he be ready to come back ahead? HARRIS: You’ll need to forgive the previous woman. She sees Sir Adrian Boult far and wide. mom: I observed him in Selfridges. FOOT: certain, quite—— mom: He used to be deciding to buy a cushion-cover. FOOT: (loudly) will we please continue to the purpose! Which occurs to be that once Magritte you it sounds as if back in your automobile parked in Ponsonby position, and drove off on the very second and from the very spot the place the escaping minstrel used to be final saw, which means to me that you could be have saved a rendezvous and pushed off with him on your motor vehicle. HARRIS: that may be a significant allegation, and, it so occurs, a lie. FOOT: used to be there any self sustaining witness who can vouch for that? mom: Yes—there used to be that guy. He waved at me once we have been riding off. FOOT: are you able to describe him? mom: convinced. He was once taking part in hopscotch at the nook, a guy within the loose-fitting striped gaberdine of a convicted felon. He carried a purse lower than one arm, and with the opposite he waved at me with a cricket bat. (FOOT reels. ) FOOT: may you recognize him back? mom: I doubt it. He used to be donning darkish glasses, and a surgical masks. (HARRIS comes ahead to revive sanity. ) HARRIS: My mom is a section careworn, Inspector. It used to be a tortoise below his arm and he wasn’t quite a bit taking part in hopscotch as one-legged. THELMA: (deftly slipping the gown over HARRIS) A tortoise or a football—he used to be a tender guy in a soccer shirt—— HARRIS: If i would simply stick my oar in right here, he may possibly infrequently were a tender guy due to the fact he had a whole white beard, and, if I’m no longer improper, side-whiskers. THELMA: I don’t desire to make a topic of this aspect, yet because it has been raised, the vigorous if spasmodic hopping of the man’s activities rarely indicates anyone in his dotage—— HARRIS: I observed him extraordinarily throughout the windscreen—— THELMA: It used to be, in fact, raining on the time—— HARRIS: My windscreen wipers have been so as, and working—— FOOT: At any price, despite his age, convictions or leisure pursuits, you declare that this guy observed you force off from Ponsonby position at 2. 25 this afternoon? HARRIS: I’m afraid now not, Inspector. He was once blind, sweeping a course sooner than him with a white stick—— THELMA:——a West Bromwich Albion squad member, swinging an ivory cane—for goodness sake hold nonetheless, Reginald—and wake up at the desk a minute, my back’s breaking—— (HARRIS mounts the low desk, hence easing the attitude of THELMA’s again. ) HARRIS: My spouse is a section confused—— FOOT: So the easiest witness you could get a hold of is a blind, white-bearded, one-legged footballer with a tortoise.